Homesick for Heaven.

Just as I am reminding myself not to be attached to the things in this world (since we can't take them with us when we go) my iPhone gets wet and dies.. losing my pictures and notes (my notes are pretty stinkin meaningful to me). 

So I'm bummed.. but like I told my parents.. "Its okay that I lost all my bible notes.. cause in Heaven, I'll just live the bible!"

I like that.. 

I can't wait for Heaven.. sometimes I get Homesick for Heaven. 

I just finished reading Heaven is For Real about a four year old boy who has an emergency appendectomy (like Madeline!) and in the months and years that followed he shares more and more details about his trip to Heaven and back. 

Its a fantastic book and I don't doubt one single line of it, its all true! (If you read it, which I recommend you do, there are millions of things that prove that the boy couldn't possibly be making it up. Even his own parents doubt him at first but over time he proves he experienced Heaven first hand!)

I could go on and on about how ridiculously good the book was, but you'll just have to read it for yourself. This blog is about losing yourself. Ha!

Things in this world that promise happiness...... :

Fame&Fortune

Attraction: You're rich, everyone loves you, and you're always in the spotlight. 

Reality: You've got a bunch of stuff you don't even use, you question which friends actually care about you, you're sick of people knowing everything about you. 

Getting high and/or drunk

Attraction: You're on cloud 9, suddenly you're the life of the party, and you've never been happier.

Reality: Your highs don't last that long, your body starts to look like crap, the more you do it, the more you do it, and you feel like shit. 

P.S. There's no weed in Heaven, and I'm not sure about Hell, but I'm pretty sure they don't budget for that. 

STUFF.

Attraction: You've got the latest and greatest everything, 4G, touch screen, Netflix, Twitter, you name it. Not to mention the new 7 series, life doesn't get any better. 

Reality: Stuff breaks, payments are more than paychecks, they just came out with the new one and you're out of the loop. 

P.S., when it comes down to it, REAL friends don't care what kind of stuff you have. If they do, they probably don't care about YOU. 

When Jesus said, "take up your cross, deny yourself, and follow me" He didn't mean.. "Sell your house, trade in your car for an arc, make sure you pack your phone charger" ... NO. He literally meant,"leave EVERYTHING behind, and follow Me. Deny everything you have known in this world, so that I can give you everything that you can have in My world, in the Kingdom of God!"

Just after Jesus says this in Matthew 16, He goes on to say "For whoever will save his life shall lose it: and whoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?"

Basically.. If you try to save yourself, you'll sink. But if you throw your hands up and admit you can't do it alone, and let Jesus take the wheel, (thank you Carrie Underwood) then He'll save your life FOR you, no work involved. 

What are you going to gain if you buy everything in this world, and you're super full with your phone, computer, stereo, house, iPod, cars, boats, etc. and there is no more room for your own SOUL? Then what? Would you really rather have all of these things than an actual soul? The dictionary defines a soul as "a person's total self; the essence of a person; the actuality of a being."

So wouldn't that technically mean that if you lose your soul.. you are.. nothing, non-existent.. a waste of oxygen?

On the flip side, if you give up all these things that we THINK make us whole, and give it all to Jesus, then we can actually be whole, full, content.  What is worth trading your soul for? And after you trade your soul, do you wish you hadn't? Think about The Raven, by Edgar Allan Poe. He physically traded with Satan--his soul for money. Satan is always going to be quicker than you, OBVIOUSLY he wouldn't make a deal if he didn't have some way of profiting from it! 

Jesus however, is the opposite. He gave His life, so we could be rich. Does that mean you have a sack of gold in your hand? No. That means you have a sack of GOD in your hand. He will equip us with everything we need in order to follow Him, completely world-free. If we put down our possessions, take up our cross, and follow Jesus, then by the time we get to Heaven.... We'll have the iPhone77... S. Does it get any better than that?(:

Danish parties!

I love the way they do. Haha.
There is no legal drinking age in Denmark, but you can start buying at 16. Kids usually start drinking around 13. People host parties at their parents houses (while the parents are home) and kids (boys and girls) can spend the night or their parents pick them up at like 1,2, or 3 in the morning. 
When you're older, you drink at peoples' houses and then go out to bars or clubs, but since we were at a friends house in the country, people stayed there for the night.
So we all get there and he (Elias) made dinner for everyone and we all ate and drank together and then cleaned up the kitchen and continued drinking. I asked him about his parents, like if they were out of town, if they cared if we partied, etc. His mom was out of town and it was the first time he had had a party while she wasn't there, but she was okay with it, she just wanted him to be careful and told him he could call his grandma or uncle if there were any problems. As he was telling me, his grandma showed up to say hi and see how things were going, (I thought it was hilarious). I explained that at parties in the U.S., if someone's grandma showed up.. BUSTED. haha. 
So she helped with dishes, said goodnight, and went home!
There were 18 of us total, and 7 got picked up by parents around 1, and then the rest stayed the night.
In the morning, he made breakfast for everyone. 
In general, it was very different than America, since we can't legally drink, let alone, have parents KNOW you're partying and still let you. Very interesting. But look! Nothing bad happened, we're all responsible adults, hehe (;
Yay Denmark!

Coming Home.

I can't believe it. 
Its so close, I can taste it, I can smell it... (:
HOME.


Its been 87 days
Its been 13 Saturdays
Its been roughly 280 meals
Its been a call home every Sunday
Its been Nutella, bread, chocolate
Its been 13 books of the bible
Its been 84 adorable French children who loved me
Its been online KLove
Its been Charles Dickens Quiz Nights
Its been sleeping on a bench in an airport
Its been seeing my best friend waiting for me
Its been 585 pictures of Europe
Its been friends from Germany, New York, Italy, Denmark
Its been 13 cities


There's no place like home.
I can't believe that I'm already making plans with friends back home.
I can already picture my parents standing in the airport waiting for me... (:
Its gone so fast and yet it seems like forever since I've been home.


Soon I'll have my parents, my bike, my sweet Zoe, my car, my job, my favorite kids at work, my best friends, my familiar places, Starbucks, my beautiful church family.... (:
I am so blessed..

First time sleeping on a bench.

My travel adventure started out in Bordeaux, of course, with my host mom. We checked my bags in and walked around a bit, it was a very quiet day in the airport so that was nice, no stress (:
We said goodbye and I headed toward my plane, I got lucky cause there were three seats and no one between me and the lady to my left! It was fun to see Bordeaux with a bird's eye view (:
Then I remembered my host mom had given me a little box I had to wait to open til I was on the plane! It was a little gold elephant charm, I can't wait to find a chain for it.
Landed in Paris Orly West, on time, and headed toward baggage claim. I saw a couple eye-ing my bag and she pulled it off the thing, I was nervous she was going to leave with it but when she realized it wasn't hers, she threw it-literally threw it- back on the belt, thanks lady. 


Got both my giant suitcases, pushed them around like a macho man. Followed signs to the shuttle for Orly Sud (there's four buildings for the one airport). While approaching the shuttle I heard two cute ladies asking a question in English so I asked them if they had a question (first English face-to-face conversation in 2 months!) they were so cute.. typical old British ladies. 
Wandered Orly Sud for a bit then found a bench and called my mama with my free 15 minutes of Wifi (:


I had two hours before I could check in my bags, so I wanted to waste time, and I saw a sign for McDee's and that they had free Wifi, 1st floor.
I hesitated.. the entire time I was in France, never once did I got to Macdo (as they call it) because I didn't want to encourage the stereotype they have of Americans. They think we LOVE McDonald's but honestly, they're obsessed. But I figured it was worth it to have free wifi so I took my luggage and myself onto the escalator and up to the first floor, come to find out you have to take another escalator to get to McDonald's and you can't take your luggage up the escalators.. I laughed at myself for how much I had wanted to go! Ate a really good chicken sandwich instead and had an Orangina (probably the last for a while (: )

Weirdest thing of my life: The airport was completely FILLED with black people dressed in long dresses and robes, I think they were all going to some sort of religious festival but I have no idea what was going on, I was literally 1/700 white people in this building. 


A guy told me to go to gate 134 for checking in my bags, so I went down the escalator and asked, and it wasn't even the right airline, but then I saw on the screen that it was gate 40, so I went back upstairs, and of course, it was exactly where I had just been. 
Waited in line, and then you know how even when its not a big deal, you still get nervous to step up to the counter?
Stepped up, handed her my ticket. 
-nothing-
Beezy: Your PASSPORT PLEASE. 
I handed it to her, more awkward silence, she asked how many bags I had, I said 2. 
Just looked at her computer screen, rubbed her forehead, acted like it was the most difficult thing she's ever done. She called someone for backup and I started getting nervous that there was a problem with having two bags.
She gave me back my passport and papers and told me to pay for my second bag upstairs. 
I went upstairs and was not sure what she meant, because there was nowhere to pay. Asked around, didn't find it, went back downstairs, but I wasn't going to ask Beezy lady again so I found another desk for Norwegian air, and the lady was very confused as to why I didn't have a ticket from the other lady, Oh la la, ends up, it was her fault so my baggage was free, can't complain! (:


My flight leaving Paris was magical, seeing the city at night, and seeing the Eiffel tower from the sky was amazing, a perfect way to say Au Revoir to France! 
And got lucky again, no one between me and the nice french girl to my left. I curled up and read the book I bought in the airport, then only English one. Danielle Steel. haha!


Arrived in Copenhagen at 11:30 at night and wandered in. It was very empty, with everything closed, very quiet, and lonely. I didn't have to get my bags so that's nice, but I just walked around a bit, not really knowing what to do. 
Then I looked at the map so I knew what to do for the next morning, I would have to take a bus to a different Terminal but they didn't start until 5:30 am.
I found a bench, an lied down to read my book. People passed but it didn't bother me. 
Eventually the entire airport was empty, and there was me, the luggage belt, and maybe like.. one janitor. 12:30 I tried to close my eyes. 
Literally the weirdest night of my life. Between people walking past me, trying to avoid everything by hiding in my coat, hearing a guy screaming in the middle of the night, and trying 8 different positions to be comfortable, I probably got about an hour and a half of real sleep. At 5:00 the first flight came in so I woke up and acted like it was no big deal that I had just slept on a bench. 
Took a chance on the door I walked through, and it was the right one! (:
Figured out where I needed to go next and then took time to go to Starbucks... first time in 3 months.. couldn't have been happier (:
And not too tired!
Headed toward the bus stop, it was a beautiful morning before the sun had come up, went through customs and then played cards and listened to music for an hour before boarding my plane. I also found a pay phone and told Mama I was good (:
My plane coming into Aalborg... I was shaking I was so excited to see Karina, then land out the window was beautiful and green bordering the ocean, and you couldn't have slapped the smile off my face!
I saw my best friend and ran to hug her, and hugged her mom as we met for the first time! 
I've got the next 9 days to live it up for the end of my trip in Europe! 
Then back to the airport life to get home, but no big, airports aren't bad enough to stress me out when I'm so stoked to get home (:

Last day of school in France (:

Today was a fantastic day! 
When I got to school in the morning, the teacher I've been working with, Elisabeth, told me we were going to have a little party and she gave me a present. 
It was a book of songs in English and French, with a CD, its just like the one she has that I used to teach the kids "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes"
I love it so much, it's the nicest thing anyone could have given me! 
Then the kids came in and I asked my autistic buddy, Axel, if he wanted to work for me today since it was my last day... he said no (:
BUT!
Today was the best quality work, and the greatest in quantity he has done the entire time I've been with him!
Not to mention, we still had time to color a picture for the teacher (;

At lunch, I talked with a teacher that I hadn't met yet and he had been to Vancouver, and Oregon! It was fun to talk about Starbucks and Taco Bell, the other teachers were mortified that there are Venti coffees (;
It was a fun time though! And I said bye to the teachers I've eaten lunch with the past 4 weeks.
Took a good walk while I ate my apple (that's my favorite thing to do)
Then I said goodbye to my little classes (:

Then we continued working, then had our cake and juice (: well, the kids did!
And then they all drew me pictures and kissed me goodbye. 
I am so thankful for having had the chance to work with such sweet kids and such amazing teachers. 
The teachers all told me I'm going to be a wonderful teacher and I'm so good with the kids. I'm so lucky. 

Also, I showed them on their map where I am and where they are!

 yeah, it was a pretty good day (;

Great day!

Today was a good day! (:

Started off by wearing jeans, flannel shirt, cowboy boots, and my new H&M coat, ah, I felt so country and so at home! I've been dying to wear jeans but today was the first cold day we had and I LOVED it, it was fun to finally feel the season change.

I got to school and greeted all my students (:

Then we split up into groups and headed out for our field trip! 

I held hands with Axel, my autistic buddy who I work with individually each day, and Simon, who wore the cutest scarf and jacket today! (:

We skipped, and kicked up leaves. 

This weekend is the Bon gout d'aquitaine, the area's big farmer's market! We went to a place at  the market where the kids learned how to make bread, and the different kinds of bread and all.

 - While we waited for the Baker to be ready for the presentation, we practiced our song, "Head, shoulders, knees, and toes" and learned how to count to 20 in English. - 

Bread is a BIG DEAL in France. They are very strict about not wasting bread and "if you are not going to eat it, you give it to the ducks so that it returns back to nature." 

And of course, we got to taste it, it was fantastic! (:

Then we walked back to school and continued as normal! 

At lunch I went for a walk after I finished eating, (they have and hour and a half for lunch here) and went back to the market and walked around, it was really fun! I love seeing so many things on display. While on my way back to school I heard English and my ears perked up, ah, the sweet sound of English! (: 

It was a hippie-ish looking couple, dreads, dig it, and I asked where they were from. She was from Scotland, her husband from France, and they live in Greece. Talk about random! But it was fantastic to speak English with someone! She was really nice! (:

I went back to school and we went through our normal activities, math, writing, reading.

Recess! I played... "hide-behind-the-tree-then-run-out-and-tickle-Axel" haha, it was fun, and I loved that he smiled so bright!

After working some more, he was totally finished for the day and didn't want to do anything else, so we colored frogs, and I wrote him a note telling him how smart and nice he was, he kissed it and put it in his back pack (:

I'm going to miss my class when I leave.

Then I ate cake. 

Then I drank chocolate milk.

and ate more cake.

OH FRANCE.

Then I came home and did some organization in my suitcase (I can't wait until I get to pack!)

TRIED to make a video for Kalli's birthday, but it didn't work, stink! So I'll have to do it tomorrow. But in the process, I discovered that I remembered the password to my old Photobucket account, and found all my pictures from like 6th grade-sophomore year, I loved seeing picture I thought I didn't have anymore! (:

Then we ate dinner and laughed about the fact that I can NOT pronounce the word "grenouille" Frog (:

Tomorrow is my last Saturday, we're going back to the market (yes!) and then going out to dinner at a restaurant that does traditional french cuisine! 

5 days until I get to pack!! (:

6 days until I see my best friend in Denmark! 

16 days until I hug my parents!

17 days until I have life conversations with Derrick at Jump off Joe!

17 days until I see my beloved Brenna, Dani, Joshy, etc! and get my job back! YES! (:

Country Strong (:

Okay the title doesn't go with the post, I was just listening to the song (;


GREAT. 


I heard a sermon by Mark Driscoll at Mars Hill's Balard Campus last year in April (I think?) with my mom and brother. 
I found it very applicable to my life, and often do a "Great check" to see if I'm on track! I hope you find it helpful (:


G.R.E.A.T.


Glorify God alone.
     -This one is a toughy. Most of the time, I think well sure! of course I glorify God.... ALONE.. ? OH. Think about things you may glorify (knowingly or not) in your day:
Drinking, sex, ungodly relationships, fighting, certain music, etc.. 
maybe look at recent FB posts and see really whom/what you praise?


Reject unhealthy comparisons to others.
     -Okay, maybe this one is tough too. Especially for girls. Have you ever actually let yourself realize how often you compare yourself to others? Compare your skin, hair, SIZE?, clothes, talents, cars, boyfriends, job,  I do it alllllll the time. If you take a minute to notice.. it doesn't get you anywhere but jealousy, and disappointment. So why do it? Once I mastered the "R" of Great, I was much happier. When I look at other girls senior pictures and wish mine were that pretty, or wish I had hair like that... why? Honestly, why do it? It just sucks. So if you reject it, just move on! You feel much better! You can't control the way you are so stop comparing!
God made you the way you are, EXACTLY the way you are, because that's how He wants you to be! So why try to change yourself when you already have 100% approval from the only opinion that matters? 


Enjoy humbly serving outcasts.
     -This is pretty self-explanatory. BUT! take notice at the word "HUMBLY" the magic word that means... Stop complaining! (: 
Reach out to others, and enjoy it! Give generously! Really... what reason do you have NOT TO? You can't take it with you when you go, so why not give to those in need? (:


Accept your life and do your best.
     -You know that fashion show where the contestants are given material and they have to create a certain piece of clothing? That's kind of how it is with life: here's what you got, now hop to it! This is how it is and how its going to be, so work with it! Do you have a bad relationship with a family member? That's just how it is, now roll with it! Accept it, and do your best, get going!


Take opportunities to redeem ambitions.
     -I like this one. A lot of times, once we get ourselves in something too deep, we think we're stuck, but really we have the power to turn it around at any time! Example: When Mark Zuckerberg was creating facebook, he was ambitious, and had a dream to create this social network.. his ambition eventually became corrupt and was ruining relationships and he went down a crazy path. At ANY moment, literally any minute, he could have chosen to just stop, turn around, and use his means for good! PETER/SPIDERMAN! When he put on the black suit, his ambitions became corrupt and evil, but he took an opportunity to redeem his original ambitions to help people and he changed his ways! (;
We constantly need to renew our ambitions and make sure our desires are on track with what God wants us to do!


Do I follow this every day? No. Its HARD, but Lord knows I'm gonna try (:

:D

Hmm. I am beyond fortunate. Beyond blessed. Not just because I get to be in another country, living with a loving family, but because I get to know the love of Jesus.

Which is what makes everything else possible.

 My best friend Karina just told me that I'm so religious, (in a posotive connotation of course) and I said "nope, just madly in love."

Honestly, I'm just in love. When you love someone, you want to be around them, you want to talk to them, you want to know everything about them. Therefore, I pray, I read my bible, I talk about Him. And in doing so, I learn so much about myself, about who He wants me to be, and about how I can please Him. 

A lot of people buy and read Self-Improvement books. There's a section for it on iTunes digital books. Self-improvement and reflection is a part of life, if we want to be successful, its helpful to read and try to change things about ourselves in order to have more friends, get along better with family members, fix a marriage, be more successful in business. So, we take time to reflect on who we are currently, we read books, we go to counseling, talk with friends, and attempt to start shifting things inside us. 

Here's an idea:

Don't buy a bunch of books: buy one.

 THE BIBLE

Self improvement is kind of just a side effect of falling in love with Jesus. 

Its kind of like a geometry proof, remember that horrible semester? (; 

 A. Because I love Jesus, I want to please him.

B. By focusing on loving Jesus, the person I become as a result of wanting to please him is exactly who I want to be. 

C. When I love Jesus, I am happy, kind, forgiving, accepting, generous, happy, and passionate. 

D. People like happy people. 

Therefore, if A=B, and B=C, and A=D... I'm sorry Mrs. Baird, I don't remember how to do proofs! All I know is that because of Jesus, I am someone people want to like! I have good relationships with friends, family, and everyone else. I have no enemies, but when I do, I love them!

One time a friend was skeptical of Christianity because she felt like you had to be happy FIRST, and then try being a Christian. She told me, "I feel like its so easy for you to be a Christian because you don't have anything bad in your life" and I told her, "Yes, I am very blessed, however.. EVERYONE has crap in their life. I have massive problems sometimes, but I'm still happy because its SO much easier to cope with problems when you trust in the Lord."

Ever wish you could just hand off your issues to someone else? You can. Hand them to God. He'll take 'em in a heart beat. When you know the Lord like He wants you to know Him, He's tangible. You can sit in your bedroom and talk to Him like a friend, because He is! He's my best friend, my brother, my boyfriend, my Father. He's everything! And I'm so glad He has promised me He'll stay forever.. cause Lord knows I need Him! haha!

You know how people always promise you things..? 

well I think as humans, we generally have learned to accept that as like a... I.O.U. with an expiration date. 

No, your boyfriend in high school won't ACTUALLY love you forever, no he won't ACTUALLY call you when he says he will. 

Promise is just a fancy word to reassure someone for the time being.

Look back on your life, was there ever a "promise" that someone REALLY, TRULY kept? 

It's a shame that we ruined the word "promise" cause it doesn't hold much weight anymore. 

GOOD NEWS!

when Jesus made a promise to love us forever, to protect us, to forgive us, to stand between His father and us on Judgement day.. oh wait, PROMISE, that means like.. legitimately, HE WILL. He doesn't mean just for a little while, or when He feels like it. He is unwaivering, everlasting, consistant! I can't type fast enough to explain it! AH!

You know how everything is better with Nutella? okay but not EVERYTHING.. cause you wouldn't eat Nutella on dirt?

but no... EVERYTHING is better with Jesus! Even depression is MUCH BETTER! haha, because you don't fall as deep when you know that God loves you and He'll pull you out! 

LIGHT!

you can't pour darkness into light.. you can close all the windows and make it pitch black but light always seeps in somewhere! You can't trap light. You can't contain the joy in my heart! Since I don't have enough room for it in my heart, I'll give you some! (;

I have so much love in my heart that I just have to give it away, because I don't have room for it all, that's what God intended for us to do! He gives us SOOO much love that we can't HELP but share it with everyone else!

and anything I know about Jesus, came from reading his blog (the bible), and from talking to him one-on-one. 

Relationships really aren't all that hard when the other end is giving 120% and all you have to do is give at least 2%. And finally! You found someone to love you that will keep promises and will stick around forever. Promise (:

20 days

I don't like how every day the number of days I have left gets smaller. ha. I've been so excited about this for so long, but now what? NOW, really? RIGHT NOW? why?..

why couldn't it have been like..2 months ago when I wanted to desperately get out of here, but no, you wait until NOW to make me leave? 

How can something be so perfect that it makes me not want to leave for something unimaginably great? 

I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 

I'm happy. Really, happy. 

Mmm.. France.

So..I leave in.. 25 days. And it's funny I was re-reading one of my posts last night when I was on skype with my BEST friend KARINA (; and I was talking about France and how I had 192 days left. It's incredible to me how fast the time has gone waiting for this adventure to arrive. well, its going to come faster than I want it to. 
God has great plans for me but what if He also has plans for me right here? I need to stop looking forward and start looking ici, here, now, maintenant. Because 25 days.. not a whole lot of time. 
The other night I was driving to Shari's and I was listening to Rascal Flatts, These Days, and I started crying, because I was homesick already. I've fallen in love with so many people recently and I don't want to let go. 


Brenna, Sydney, Connor, Dani, Derrick, Josh, Amber, Gareth, Kalli, Sabrina, Tyson, Mick. 


When you all took me in last summer, I found God where you would least expect Him. You all mended my heart, and made me feel loved and home in the strangest of places. I had always wanted to find a group of friends that was always hanging out no matter what.. and that's what I had with you. 
Then we had our ups and downs! but none of it matters now, because I feel alive and at home again with all of you. I loved last Saturday.. because we were all having issues... well except Sab and Tyson(haha!) but it was beautiful how we just loved each other and helped each other. We are all so awkward and we don't make sense but I think that's why it's so perfect. 
I don't want to leave but I love that I will always have a home with you. And I'm not sure what the future holds for this roller coaster group but I can't imagine having a future without you all in my past and present. I wouldn't be who I am without each and every one of you. 


Well, this was supposed to be about France but ya know. Since when do I talk about what I start talking about?
Its funny. when you meet someone who you think is just going to scratch the surface... but they become so much more and go so much deeper than the surface. 


 Even just last month, I couldn't have even imagined I would have these feelings, and I couldn't have guessed who I would miss the most when I get on that plane in El Pasco. 
I'm amazed at how fast this year has gone. 
A year since I met Clay, a year since Malibu, a year since I met this incredible group of people, how could it all be flashing by so quickly? How fast is the next 365 days going to go?
Where will I be? Who will I know? How will I feel?
The only thing I take comfort in: There is a God who loves me and goes with me EVERYWHERE, who has a plan for me, plans to give me a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11)


Lately, I've had K LOVE like... live streaming in my head. It's on in my dreams even.  It's the coolest thing I've ever experienced, cause I'm in constant worship. 


Dear Jesus, 
You're tight, I love you. 
Love, 
Con.
P.S. Thanks.

God is faithful.

OH MAN. (say it like Michael Polvi does)

I love that right now. 

My new favorite saying is "we'll see"... cause we honestly don't know whats coming.. so we'll see (:

I'm sick of people trying to control things. Just LET IT GO. All of it, everything, give it all to God, and just goooo. (:

He's always there, never lets me down, always FAITHFUL.

I want one (:

He's cute.

alright, Valentine's Day..

We all know the feeling.. waiting for him to call. You try so hard to look pretty, and to be funny, and do the things he likes. 


Are you waiting for him to be someone he's not?
Do you wish he would always be there for you and always ask how your day was, and always hold you when you cry, and never ditch you for his friends (or another girl)? Eh. 


Don't you wish he would get jealous when he sees you with another guy? And fight 'till the death to win you over?


Guess who already did that.

JESUS. 


He's crying because you're crying. He wishes so badly that you'd realize He's waiting for you to forget about Nick, Joe, Ryan, Levi, Troy, Aaron, Clay, Alex, Connor, Sean, Chris, Trevor, Tyler and realize that they will NEVER love you like He does..




and on Valentine's Day, when you're wishing you would've gotten roses, or a card, or someone would've kissed you..


LOOK AROUND.


God gave you FIELDS of roses, He gave you the most perfect man to fall in love with. He will never let you down, He will never ignore you when you call him, He will never leave you for someone else, He laid down His life for you, JUST IN CASE you decided you wanted to fall in love with Him too. 


He's so jealous of the boys in your life that get all your attention, He's pulling you in so desperately, just waiting for you to turn and see Him waiting with His arms open so He can just hold you.
RUN TO HIM. HE LOVES YOU. 

well, track.

Reasons to do track?

To get a tan.

To meet people.

YUP.

Well, thats over.

So my morning.. was ridiculous. God does things to make me laugh. 

I tried to pull out into traffic and ... that was a no-go.

Then my gas light came on. But you have to have money for gas. So I went to the bank, bank's closed. So I figured by the time I got over to Richland, that one would be open. I deposited a check and 20 dollars cash.. .and asked for 70 in cash.. I forgot to give them my I.D. so that took a whole 'nother "send the little thing through the tube thing" to get it to me and then I gave them my I.D. and realized... I could've kept the 20 and asked for 50.. they probably think I'm an idiot. 

So I go to the gas station and give him 70 for pump 6.

The pump stops at $50.00

Connie: The pump stopped at 50, but I gave you 70. 

Indian guy I couldn't understand: what? you give me two twenties and two fives. 

Connie: no, I gave you 3 twenties and 2 fives. 

Guy: oh, okay, here you go. (hands me a twenty.)

I walk away thinking " why didn't you just give me 20 dollars more in gas?" but I'm not going to take the time to explain it to him. 

JOSH MAIER COMES HOME THIS WEEKEND!!!!!!

(;

I'm so excited to have found my long lost husband. 

I got married when I was four to the boy who lived next door to me in Yakima. 

We used to make salad with his mom's plants, she didn't like it very much.

But she still gave me colored marshmallows in my hot chocolate.

Then I moved here. 

Then I found him on facebook last night.

I'm going to Yakima on Saturday.. I'm so freakin excited. haha its been 11 years. 

I just got a facebook event invite for 11/11/11 at 11:11:11.. .well yess.. naturally, i will be there.. ? hahaha. i like it. 

last night, Amber and I got lost. We drove so far out of El Pasco, there was no cell reception. We were at "Selph Landing" it was nice. 

My new found love is Trevor Hall. 

Matthew 16:24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.  What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, and lose their soul?

Its hard to remember that we don't need cell phones, clothes, a house, or a family. God will provide everything we need. If we are made up of the things in the world, we will surely lose our soul. We have to be world-less in order to fully fall in love with Jesus. 

Thought for this week: Be intimate with Jesus. Be open with him, be naked in front of him so that there is nothing between you and him, tell him honestly everything in your life. Give up everything to him.

Love songs

So everyone likes to fall in love, right? Except most of the time it sucks, haha. 

Unless you're Kayla Fillion and Nick Colby, man I love those two. (:

"I can't set my hopes too high because every hello ends with a goodbye" - wise words of good ol' Demi Lovato, She may be in rehab but ya know, she knows what she's talking about. 

It's weird how you can control where your heart is. 

If you're supposed to live in the moment and live each day like it was your last, you would live like crazy and do and say everything you've been holding in. Only problem with that is that most of us don't die before tomorrow and we have to deal with what we did the day before. So do you worry about the future or do whatever you want right now like Maggie Jones? props to that girl. 

If you give your heart to God, he'll never break it, and you can hear love songs all day long if you listen to K-Love, 93.3 (:

What you don't understand is He'll catch a grenade for ya, throw Himself on a cross for ya, jump in front of a train for ya. He'll go through all the pain, take a nail straight through the hand, He already DID die for you.

John 3:16 "God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life"

Graduation thoughts (:

alright....

so I was watching Laguna Beach and they graduate and it got me super excited for graduation. And I really love their colors, and they got to wear leis cause they live by the beach and just.. ah!

I'm so ready to graduate. 

Also.. I decided today that the first bonfire I have after graduation, I'm going to have paper and pens so that people can write something that they want to leave behind when they move on, something they want to leave in high school, or something they want to forget and burn it. 

I can't wait to leave some things behind and follow my dreams. 

Isaiah 41:10 

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you."

It's times like these we learn to live again.

I have to remember that my life is going to be so much bigger than this. 

We all need to remember that the drama, the lies, the stolen boyfriends (girl, please), the homework (; none of it is going to matter. 

We graduate in 145 days. 

I'm going to France in 192 Days. 

So none of this, right now, in the Tri-Cities.. none of it is going to matter. 

This is what's going to matter:

I found a quote book that I made in Mrs. Crass' class sophomore year.. I need to remember to listen to my own advice. 

"Only spend time with people who have a positive influence on you"

"Never waste time feeling sorry for yourself"

and

"All you need is LOVE"

and I need to remember Amber Buchanan's advice, 

"Just let go of control"

that's a big one for me... 

I'm so thankful for Dani, Brenna, Kalli, & Laguna Beach, they're good at pep talks (:

OH, and Value Village.

John 5:14 "This is the boldness which we have toward him, that, if we ask anything according to his will, he listens to us"

Guess what.

I am who I am.
I'm not going down without a fight. I won't compromise who I am. I love who I am. God made me this way. God made me stubborn enough to NEVER give in to smoking and drinking. 
Obviously it sucks when you don't want you be around your own friends anymore, but I'm not going to give in. 


I bought my abovetheinfluence sweatshirt yesterday and I will wear it with pride. Sorry that I actually want to remember my nights (;


It will be a struggle and probably one of the hardest things I've ever gone through in my high school years, but its just the way it is. 
I will not Smoke
I will not Drink
I will not participate in conversations when people are talking about how fun it was that they don't remember anything.
Sorry, but you're not cool.
When you're 30, fat, and failing, you'll wish you weren't a pot head.